Even Winners Go Through Depression
Even Winners Go Through Depression
Monroe Mann
Published On: Aug 1, 2026
Editor’s Note: On all blog posts, we try to edit the writing as little as possible to preserve authenticity, personality, and writing style. We typically fix spelling errors, but minimally modify grammar and sentence structure (just enough to ensure readability).
Name: Monroe Mann Break Diving Level: Level 2 Number of Certified Dives: 17 From: United States In: United States
Dr. Monroe Mann, PhD is the founder of Break Diving.
Dear You,
I'm not sure how you found this blog post, but I hope you will take 5 minutes to read it. What I am about to share is completely non-intuitive, and yet, after you hear what I have to say, it should make perfect sense: it is completely possible to be both a winner and a leader, and also depressed and miserable. These two 'personalities' seem like they should be describing two different people. But they actually describe millions of people. And I am one of them.
Let me start by explaining something called hypomania. There's a book called The Hypomanic Edge, and in it, the author talks about the entrepreneurial success of America. Love us or hate us, we are undeniably an incredible success story. Yet, how did it happen? According to the author and psychologist Dr. John Gartner, the United States' success is the result of one underlying cause: the craziness of its founders. And by founders, I mean all those who ventured across the ocean, in ships, without phones, without the internet, and without any guarantees that they would make the six-week journey alive. In other words: only the craziest of crazy. The hypomanic ones.
Those with hypomania are genetically predisposed to a mild form of mania. These types of people generally exhibit boundless energy, optimism, creativity, and a willingness to take risks. The very type of people who are likely to start companies, be leaders, and push themselves and others to become winners!
But... there's a catch. These same people are also often more predisposed to depression as well. Some call it dysphoric hypomania, and others call it bipolar type 2, and others cyclothymia, and some say one is a subset of the other. Regardless, the key point is that there's a huge difference between bipolar I and bipolar II. The former (bipolar I) is completely debilitating. Uncontrolled, the highs are so high that you do dangerous, insane, absurd things, and the lows so low that you don't even shower or eat anymore. The latter (bipolar II) has mild highs that give you the energy and 'craziness' to attempt the impossible, and while the lows are very bad, they are not so bad that you cannot function. In a bipolar II depressed state, you just feel terrible, and much less motivated. Neither bipolar I, nor bipolar II, are likely to be properly manageable without medication. While "II" is survivable without medication, it's still extremely unpleasant--the downs anyway. "I" on the other hand can be dangerous and downright unmanageable in both states--both the highs and the lows--without medication.
You can probably see now what the title is talking about now: often those with the greatest motivation to change the world, and those who are able to actually take actions to do just that (this is the hypomanic side)... also may suffer from pretty tough depression at times.
In case you haven't figured it out, I am either bipolar II, or cyclthymic, or the more euphemistic, dysphoric hypomania. I prefer the third. Now, I've survived without medication for decades. I also have tried medications here and there too. Recently, my depression became really bad based not only on my ongoing PSTD from Iraq, but also some personal tragedies, and my hypomania was not strong enough to get me out of my slumps. So currently, I take low doses of both lamotrigine and lexapro. They are the first two medications I've taken (mood stabilizer/anti-depressant respectively) to address my symptoms that have virtually no side effects: no dizziness, no lethargy, no drowsiness. They keep the worst of the depression away, and help keep me clearheaded enough to still benefit from my hypomanic side. The result: I'm starting to feel like my normal self again. The crazy, hypomanic, wunderkind, mojo-maker known as Monroe Mann.
But what's funny is that life can really drag someone down. It's crazy to think that the same "depressed and miserable" Monroe Mann who survived 2021 - 2026 is the same SUPERMANN who created the motivational community known as Break Diving back in 2016. I was trying to reconcile the two people the other day, and suddenly it hit me: there is no need to reconcile! They are the same person! All the confusion arises because there are two people named Monroe Mann. Monroe Mann the winner, and Monroe Mann the depressed. There are actually far more personalities within my psyche than that---and the truth is, you have multiple personalities too, and it all depends on the day, and the environment, and the task, and the people involved. One moment you're excited and doing amazing things, and the next you are plopped in front of the tv doing nothing. We've all been there. The only difference is that those with bipolar II/dysphoric hypomnia/cyclothymia have those ups and downs more often and more severe, and those with bipolar I have such extreme mood swings that they can't even function anymore.
Where is that sweet spot? For me, it's being hypomanic, without the depressive symptoms. Sadly, that is not me. Not anymore, anyway. Back in my early 20s, that is 100% who I was. I was always on fire, and almost nothing got me down--I was 95% on fire, and 5% in the dumps. After I got back from Iraq, though, something changed. I still had my cherished hypomanic episodes, but more and more infrequently. First it was 60% on fire, and 30% in the dumps, and then very quickly tumbled to 10% on fire, and 90% in the dumps. In other words, I went from being just hypomanic (First Place!) to what became almost last place: dysphoric hypomanic/bipolar II... without the right medication to keep the depression at bay. I eventually found the right medication to put the depression at bay, and bring back that hypomanic edge upon which I thrived. But in that middle interim, it has been a tough journey. It still is. I still have bad days. But they are far fewer. And far less severe. And the highs are starting to return. And the feelings of learned helplessness have started to subside too.
But we are missing part of the story. If I was so miserable for most of the last 20 years, how did I accomplish so much? How did I finish law school? How did I release 11 books? How did I earn my PhD in psych? My MBA in finance? Shoot a major indie film? Do two TEDx talks? Release an album on Spotify, Pandora, and Amazon Music? Successfully teach English in Shanghai... twice! Monetize my YouTube channel and become a live streamer of music, comedy, and motivation?
The answer is two-fold: a) When I'm hypomanic, I get more done in one day than most people get done in a month. The last few days, I was not feeling great mentally. I admit I was watching tv most of the time. But today, the hypomanic side of me kicked in, and I've been hard charging since 8am, and it's 4:30pm now, and I ain't stopping until midnight. I am writing this blog post during one of my hypomanic episodes. And it feels great: my hands are tingling, my heart is racing slightly, my thoughts are single-mindedly focused on my tasks, I am in an incredible state of flow and absolutely nothing can distract me. I am getting through my to-do list like there's no tomorrow. And that's a propos: there may not be tomorrow (mentally). When I'm in a good hypomanic mood, I know to take advantage of that energy. I know to work with the speed of a racehorse and with the discipline of a monk. Because maybe tomorrow I won't be as productive. That's the first answer: when I'm on fire, I AM ON FIRE.
The second answer to how I was able to accomplish so much in my life despite being afflicted by constant depression? I have trained myself to function despite my moods. I may get depressed often, and not want to do much, but I also recognize that you don't need to feel good to work on finishing stuff on your to-do lists. Sometimes it's just one task per day, but as long as I keep my momentum going at a snail's pace while in the dumps, I will at least be accomplished something, and I will also be poised and ready--chomping at the bit--for the reopening of my hypomanic gates. And let me tell you, when they open, they are like flood gates of optimism, hope, energy, enthusiasm, and action. I AM AGAIN ON FIRE!
In other words, in both states (both hypomani and depressed), I am still able to get things done. When depressed, not as much. In my hypomanic phases, so much that it allows me to make up for the days I did very little.
Now, fast forward to today, and I am doing even better. I'm on new medications that help to reduce the lows greatly, without destroying my highs. The higher my lows, the more easily I can catch the winds of a hypomanic breeze, and allow them to develop again into a controlled hurricane of accomplishment. Do I still have tough days? Yes. Because the only way for any of us to avoid tough days is to be so drugged up that we can't think or function--but what's the point of that, when it renders you incapable of doing anything? But with a low-dose medication----now, I am able to manage the lows better. It's not perfect, but it's good enought that I feel closer to how I once felt in my early 20s.
And to conclude, I thought I would share with you some other 'winners' who also suffered with depression/bipolarII/dysphoric hypomania:
Catherine Zeta-Jones, Demi Lovato, Russell Brand, Lily Allen, Selena Gomez, Chappell Roan, Edgar Allan Poe, Frank Sinatra, Britney Spears, Ted Turner, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mike Tyson, Brian Wilson, Edvard Munch, Kate Spade, Aaron Swartz, Elon Musk, Anthony Bourdain
First, if you don't know any of these people, look them up. All incredible 'winners', and yet each suffered in whatever way with depression at the same time. As they say, "Tortured geniuses". All.
Second, yes, I know at least two (fashion designer Kate Spade, and tv host Anthony Bourdain) took their own lives. Two notes on that:
a) their end does not define their middle, which was undeniable filled with success. They were WINNERS, and inspired millions. And...
b) even those who you think have everything can still suffer from depression. Don't get cocky. It could happen to any of us if we are not careful.
In other words, all of those people in that list are winners... and they still all also suffered with depression.
On that note, thanks for reading. I hope I've helped you to better understand how 'someone like me' (A guy who sometimes is really really depressed) could at the same time be a motivational speaker and start/lead an organization designed to motivate people.
The answer I hope now is very clear: it makes perfect sense!
PS - We'd love you to come join our community of winners at breakdiving.io, or download our app in the App Store/Play store.
PPS - Anyone who is a Level 1+ Break Diver can also submit to be published on our blog!
Read More Blog Posts on the Break Diving Blog Homepage
I'm not sure how you found this blog post, but I hope you will take 5 minutes to read it. What I am about to share is completely non-intuitive, and yet, after you hear what I have to say, it should make perfect sense: it is completely possible to be both a winner and a leader, and also depressed and miserable. These two 'personalities' seem like they should be describing two different people. But they actually describe millions of people. And I am one of them.
Let me start by explaining something called hypomania. There's a book called The Hypomanic Edge, and in it, the author talks about the entrepreneurial success of America. Love us or hate us, we are undeniably an incredible success story. Yet, how did it happen? According to the author and psychologist Dr. John Gartner, the United States' success is the result of one underlying cause: the craziness of its founders. And by founders, I mean all those who ventured across the ocean, in ships, without phones, without the internet, and without any guarantees that they would make the six-week journey alive. In other words: only the craziest of crazy. The hypomanic ones.
Those with hypomania are genetically predisposed to a mild form of mania. These types of people generally exhibit boundless energy, optimism, creativity, and a willingness to take risks. The very type of people who are likely to start companies, be leaders, and push themselves and others to become winners!
But... there's a catch. These same people are also often more predisposed to depression as well. Some call it dysphoric hypomania, and others call it bipolar type 2, and others cyclothymia, and some say one is a subset of the other. Regardless, the key point is that there's a huge difference between bipolar I and bipolar II. The former (bipolar I) is completely debilitating. Uncontrolled, the highs are so high that you do dangerous, insane, absurd things, and the lows so low that you don't even shower or eat anymore. The latter (bipolar II) has mild highs that give you the energy and 'craziness' to attempt the impossible, and while the lows are very bad, they are not so bad that you cannot function. In a bipolar II depressed state, you just feel terrible, and much less motivated. Neither bipolar I, nor bipolar II, are likely to be properly manageable without medication. While "II" is survivable without medication, it's still extremely unpleasant--the downs anyway. "I" on the other hand can be dangerous and downright unmanageable in both states--both the highs and the lows--without medication.
You can probably see now what the title is talking about now: often those with the greatest motivation to change the world, and those who are able to actually take actions to do just that (this is the hypomanic side)... also may suffer from pretty tough depression at times.
In case you haven't figured it out, I am either bipolar II, or cyclthymic, or the more euphemistic, dysphoric hypomania. I prefer the third. Now, I've survived without medication for decades. I also have tried medications here and there too. Recently, my depression became really bad based not only on my ongoing PSTD from Iraq, but also some personal tragedies, and my hypomania was not strong enough to get me out of my slumps. So currently, I take low doses of both lamotrigine and lexapro. They are the first two medications I've taken (mood stabilizer/anti-depressant respectively) to address my symptoms that have virtually no side effects: no dizziness, no lethargy, no drowsiness. They keep the worst of the depression away, and help keep me clearheaded enough to still benefit from my hypomanic side. The result: I'm starting to feel like my normal self again. The crazy, hypomanic, wunderkind, mojo-maker known as Monroe Mann.
But what's funny is that life can really drag someone down. It's crazy to think that the same "depressed and miserable" Monroe Mann who survived 2021 - 2026 is the same SUPERMANN who created the motivational community known as Break Diving back in 2016. I was trying to reconcile the two people the other day, and suddenly it hit me: there is no need to reconcile! They are the same person! All the confusion arises because there are two people named Monroe Mann. Monroe Mann the winner, and Monroe Mann the depressed. There are actually far more personalities within my psyche than that---and the truth is, you have multiple personalities too, and it all depends on the day, and the environment, and the task, and the people involved. One moment you're excited and doing amazing things, and the next you are plopped in front of the tv doing nothing. We've all been there. The only difference is that those with bipolar II/dysphoric hypomnia/cyclothymia have those ups and downs more often and more severe, and those with bipolar I have such extreme mood swings that they can't even function anymore.
Where is that sweet spot? For me, it's being hypomanic, without the depressive symptoms. Sadly, that is not me. Not anymore, anyway. Back in my early 20s, that is 100% who I was. I was always on fire, and almost nothing got me down--I was 95% on fire, and 5% in the dumps. After I got back from Iraq, though, something changed. I still had my cherished hypomanic episodes, but more and more infrequently. First it was 60% on fire, and 30% in the dumps, and then very quickly tumbled to 10% on fire, and 90% in the dumps. In other words, I went from being just hypomanic (First Place!) to what became almost last place: dysphoric hypomanic/bipolar II... without the right medication to keep the depression at bay. I eventually found the right medication to put the depression at bay, and bring back that hypomanic edge upon which I thrived. But in that middle interim, it has been a tough journey. It still is. I still have bad days. But they are far fewer. And far less severe. And the highs are starting to return. And the feelings of learned helplessness have started to subside too.
But we are missing part of the story. If I was so miserable for most of the last 20 years, how did I accomplish so much? How did I finish law school? How did I release 11 books? How did I earn my PhD in psych? My MBA in finance? Shoot a major indie film? Do two TEDx talks? Release an album on Spotify, Pandora, and Amazon Music? Successfully teach English in Shanghai... twice! Monetize my YouTube channel and become a live streamer of music, comedy, and motivation?
The answer is two-fold: a) When I'm hypomanic, I get more done in one day than most people get done in a month. The last few days, I was not feeling great mentally. I admit I was watching tv most of the time. But today, the hypomanic side of me kicked in, and I've been hard charging since 8am, and it's 4:30pm now, and I ain't stopping until midnight. I am writing this blog post during one of my hypomanic episodes. And it feels great: my hands are tingling, my heart is racing slightly, my thoughts are single-mindedly focused on my tasks, I am in an incredible state of flow and absolutely nothing can distract me. I am getting through my to-do list like there's no tomorrow. And that's a propos: there may not be tomorrow (mentally). When I'm in a good hypomanic mood, I know to take advantage of that energy. I know to work with the speed of a racehorse and with the discipline of a monk. Because maybe tomorrow I won't be as productive. That's the first answer: when I'm on fire, I AM ON FIRE.
The second answer to how I was able to accomplish so much in my life despite being afflicted by constant depression? I have trained myself to function despite my moods. I may get depressed often, and not want to do much, but I also recognize that you don't need to feel good to work on finishing stuff on your to-do lists. Sometimes it's just one task per day, but as long as I keep my momentum going at a snail's pace while in the dumps, I will at least be accomplished something, and I will also be poised and ready--chomping at the bit--for the reopening of my hypomanic gates. And let me tell you, when they open, they are like flood gates of optimism, hope, energy, enthusiasm, and action. I AM AGAIN ON FIRE!
In other words, in both states (both hypomani and depressed), I am still able to get things done. When depressed, not as much. In my hypomanic phases, so much that it allows me to make up for the days I did very little.
Now, fast forward to today, and I am doing even better. I'm on new medications that help to reduce the lows greatly, without destroying my highs. The higher my lows, the more easily I can catch the winds of a hypomanic breeze, and allow them to develop again into a controlled hurricane of accomplishment. Do I still have tough days? Yes. Because the only way for any of us to avoid tough days is to be so drugged up that we can't think or function--but what's the point of that, when it renders you incapable of doing anything? But with a low-dose medication----now, I am able to manage the lows better. It's not perfect, but it's good enought that I feel closer to how I once felt in my early 20s.
And to conclude, I thought I would share with you some other 'winners' who also suffered with depression/bipolarII/dysphoric hypomania:
Catherine Zeta-Jones, Demi Lovato, Russell Brand, Lily Allen, Selena Gomez, Chappell Roan, Edgar Allan Poe, Frank Sinatra, Britney Spears, Ted Turner, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mike Tyson, Brian Wilson, Edvard Munch, Kate Spade, Aaron Swartz, Elon Musk, Anthony Bourdain
First, if you don't know any of these people, look them up. All incredible 'winners', and yet each suffered in whatever way with depression at the same time. As they say, "Tortured geniuses". All.
Second, yes, I know at least two (fashion designer Kate Spade, and tv host Anthony Bourdain) took their own lives. Two notes on that:
a) their end does not define their middle, which was undeniable filled with success. They were WINNERS, and inspired millions. And...
b) even those who you think have everything can still suffer from depression. Don't get cocky. It could happen to any of us if we are not careful.
In other words, all of those people in that list are winners... and they still all also suffered with depression.
On that note, thanks for reading. I hope I've helped you to better understand how 'someone like me' (A guy who sometimes is really really depressed) could at the same time be a motivational speaker and start/lead an organization designed to motivate people.
The answer I hope now is very clear: it makes perfect sense!
PS - We'd love you to come join our community of winners at breakdiving.io, or download our app in the App Store/Play store.
PPS - Anyone who is a Level 1+ Break Diver can also submit to be published on our blog!